I haven't been writing much of late. Instead I have been quite demotivated, and turned my attention to my bed, movies and countless TV series. After two weeks, I realised something was wrong. My life has turned into a battle of the mind and I don't like who I am becoming.
I'm ever so uncertain how I arrived here. I have always been motivated with my store, blog and university work, but here I am faced with this feeling that I no longer am doing what I love, but rather for the sake of doing it. It's a rather difficult space to be in; call it writer's block, but I forgot how important writing is to me and acts much like my personal therapist. I sit here and reflect the cause behind my downward spiral and I am clouded by the very things I do. I suspect that I was consumed in events, renovating the website and awaiting my summer stock to the point where I lost interest in my vision and goals. Instead I retreated to the safety of my home, under a blanket; thinking things would change itself if I laid there and forgot to care about anything else.
What I have learnt from my bed in the last few weeks is mainly due to the movies I've been watching. I have noticed the countless messages which have been communicated to us and have shaped the way we both perceive and react to the world around us. In a way it has helped ignite some motivation within me to get back up on the horse.
I have always been fond of the movies, and as a child, I remember how they have effected many of my emotions as I grew up. Movies taught me to cry when I was sad, that there is always consequences for my actions, the bad guy never wins and that true love is the divine.
What I have learnt from the movies:
1. The Land before time taught me that your mum is golden.2. Mean Girls taught me that it's okay to be a loser during high school. 3. The Titanic taught me to close my innocent eyes during the risque scenes. 4. Coco Chanel taught me that you don't need to be accepted to achieve greatness.5. Gossip Girl taught me that being wealthy doesn't bring happiness. 6. The Notebook taught me that love is worth fighting for and romance should never be dead!7. The Great Gatsby taught me that optimism is what makes life worth living.8. The Devil Wears Prada taught me that in a superficial industry, stay true to yourself.9. Confessions of a Shopaholic taught me that I have a shopping problem.10. Suits taught me that there is nothing like a man in a classic suit.11. Forest Gump taught me to run, and never stop.12. Matilda taught me that knowledge is power.13. Bend it like Beckham taught me that it's okay to be a tomboy.14. Taken taught me that the world is a scary place.15. The Karate Kid taught me that repetition breeds excellence.16. The Social Network reminded me why I love Nerds.17. Power Rangers taught me that team work can save the world. 18. Death Note taught me that no one should play God.19. The God Father taught me that nobody hurts my family.20. Eat Pray love taught me it's never too late to start over.
Unfortunately, life is not a movie. Life is all 20 of these lessons, flung at us at the most unexpected times of our lives. The movies are my escape from the real world, a way of telling myself that I will be okay and tomorrow is another day.
Sometimes I sit and wish that I was not of this era, that I was not programmed to love the material world and that life could be simpler. I wish I could vanish into an episode of New Girl, and have fun without the world judging me and my crazy friends. So I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, get out there and start doing what I'm good at. There is so much I could wish for, but it's time for me to slip back into reality, become grateful again and return to the crazy world, outside my bed.