WARNING: THIS ARTICLE QUITE CLEARLY CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE HIGHEST LEVEL!
by Lauren W
Alright, alright, No Tamsin. (RACHEL SKARSTEN.) So let's see if there's anything else we can work with here.
Who knows what's flying into that mouth?
So this week's episode is all aboutOpera?
Next thing we know, this Fae Maria Callas is singing people to death off-stage. Ah, of course.
But then we find out her poison. Her poison just happens to be super high-pitched dog whistle sounds. Oh.
So happy to see Kenzi worshipping Tamsin as much as we do.
Cut to Bo (ANNA SILK) and Kenzi (KSENIA SOLO) in the Dal. Kenzi is pining over a missing Tamsin, while Bo is still pondering over that darned dark alignment she's acquired.
And the opera lady stumbles in. Bo and Kenzi run to aid her, while Kenzi slyly steals some dude's drink in the process. Classic.
Apparently she's RussianAnd somehow she knows Bo, who has no recollection of the woman. How convenient.
Boobs o'clock #1.
Bo goes running to her Grand-daddy (RICK HOWLAND), who tells Bo that Oprah (I can't even attempt to spell her Fae name, so Oprah (not Winfrey) it is), needs to rest.
Trick then imparts his all-knowing wisdom and tells Bo that Oprah's voice invokes powerful memories. Yay!
And this next pairing is what really makes this episode.
Yup, The Morrigan (EMMANUELLE VAUGIER) turns up at Lauren's (ZOIE PALMER) apartment with pizza and her home brewed beer, "Dark Belch".
This is the sleepover we always wished we were invited to.
Evony playfully kicks one of Lauren's moving boxes, which she seems overly protective about. What's in it? Her entire Star Trek collection. Adorable.
BOOBS O'CLOCK #2. OH. MY.
Back in the Dal, Bo and Dyson (KRIS HOLDEN-RIED) are trying to bang (snore) despite knowing it's against Dark/Light fraternizing rules.
But hurrah! Trick saves the day and stops them before it's too late.
And so Bo returns to Oprah.
More boobs for good measure.
Oprah is all "I sang to you and you loved it! You made me come find you!" But Bo is all "when did this shit happen?!"
So Oprah does her singing business and Bo has a weird flashback/memory type thing. Who knows what's going on at this point?
Also, apparently Bo promised Oprah her freedom, which prompts Oprah to tell her to look inside her knife.
Okay, okay. I will stop this boobs nonsense eventually.
The note in the knife handle reads "[Oprah], you will sing for me and I will bring you freedom." What a coincidence.
Then terror strikes. Some dude in a white tunic storms into the Dal, yelling Oprah's name. Apparently he owns her?
It also happens that he has a GPS hidden in her necklace, and if someone were to attempt to remove said necklace, it would choke her. Fabulous!
Bribing the women with knowledge. I like it.
Over at the scene we're far more intrigued about, Lauren's received a gift from Evony: the private journals of Charles Mayo, Albert Einstein, and Marie Curie. Cool!
Also cool? Apparently they were fellow Fae. Ha!
(Side note: Lauren says she disagrees with the methods they used to test on humans, and The Morrigan is very respectful of that. Hmm )
Damn, gurl. Look at those arms!
Evony explains that if she comes to work for the dark, she wants Lauren to feel free.
She also says morals are overrated, but she'll respect the fact that Lauren gives a shit about them. Fair enough.
Back with the boring side-story, the peeps over at the Dal are setting up for a private concert with Oprah.
She begins to sing, and Bo has a vision/memory about when she was back on the train and she found a crown with her name on it. "Isabeau."
Once she snaps out of it, it appears some other guy who rivals the white tunic guy has come to steal Oprah away.
The catch with this guy is, he's programmed her necklace to explode on demand. This is some Inspector Gadget shit right here.
Thankfully Oprah needs a rest to avoid death so all is well.
Everyone knows Lauren is secretly loving this liquid courage.
Over at Lauren's place, Lauren recites her own rendition of the Captain's Log, rephrasing it to include Evony.
She's also tipsy, and that is thanks to The Morrigan's 25% alcohol beer. That's my girl.
Anyway, Kenzi interrupts because she needs Lauren's help.
Sorry, this is a terrible screencap but Kenzi's cheeks looked too cute to pass up.
Kenzi gets what she needs from Lauren, who explains that Evony helped her get a new dark Fae owned apartment in the city. (And Kenzi smells the flirtation. YES.)
In the Dal basement, Bo tells Oprah that she won't let anything happen to her. And Hale (KC COLLINS) is lurking in the shadows, listening in.
It also appears that Dyson has made some device to listen in to Oprah's conversations with Suitor #2, but they secretly escape. Dun dun dun.
Bo succubus sucks Suitor #1, aka Mr. White Tunic, to find out where Oprah went.
Turns out Suitor #2 (his name's Marcus, but that's boring,) and Oprah were actually in love the whole time and were trying to escape from Suitor #1. Mystery solved.
Marcus and Oprah are also apparently on the way to deliver her 'death note' to White Tunic's family so she can be freed. Noooooooo!
Does this look like a Shakespearean tragedy to you?
Long story short, here's how the day is saved.
* Oprah is persuaded not to kill the family.
* Marcus uses his whistle to stop her from leaving.
* Hale enters, siren-ing Marcus, but prompting him to whip out a gun.
* Bo jumps in front of Hale to block the gun.
* Oprah jumps in front of Bo to block the gun. (Confusing, yes.)
* Oprah sings Marcus to death, killing Kenzi's ears in the process.
Phew. What a ride.
"But wait! You didn't give me my memories yet!"
We conclude this epic with Oprah dying in Bo's arms, just after she gives her a little gift.
Oh, but here's the best part.
Kenzi and Hale are sat on a bench and everything is so heartfelt AND KENZI KISSES HALE. FINALLY!
Worst part? Hale secretly discovers that his ears are bleeding. Nice.
You should get that checked out, lover boy.
Back at home, Bo has a memory of again being back on the trainAnd she discovers the Wanderer has left a creepy hand print inside her neck.
Did I say inside? Yes. And I meant it. Gross.
Wait, I take it back. HERE is the best part.
Nope, not a cheesy music video.
Evony gives Lauren an access all areas pass to the dark's labs, and calls Lauren "an incredible woman."
And THEIR HANDS TOUCH.
Which doesn't seem like much until -
YES! Get in theeeere. (Soz to be super British with this caption.)
That's right, LAUREN KISSES THE MORRIGAN.
Okay, I super duper ship this. But then something happens which makes my hatred for Lauren increase. Yes, I almost forgot I hated her.
Lauren pulls out a mirror, and tweezes off a weird lip mask thingy. Did she just swipe Evony's DNA or get a lip print or something? SHE'S SO MALICIOUS AND I HATE HER, MAN.
TAKE IT, BITCH.
So Bo and Dyson are doing the nasty, when Bo refuses to look at him.
They stop banging andOh dear, the creepy hand print is for realsies.
Aaaand enter the Una Mens! To steal Dyson away. GOOD.
Oh. Not so much a fan of this.
What did you think of this week's episode?
Personally, didn't love the lack of Tam Tam. Leave your thoughts in the comments!